I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
