walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
