I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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