Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
