i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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