So drunk its hurt
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
