no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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