I love black thongs
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
