I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
