Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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