we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
