To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize