Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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