but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
