The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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