look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
