i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
