So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
