My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
