Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
