So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
