I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
