Its about making memories worth repressing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
