Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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