We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
