Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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