My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
