Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
