I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
