be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
