Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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