I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's shark week go big or go home
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
