im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
