my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i out mim tonsoeep
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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