So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
