Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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