idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
