she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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