Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize