I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
