i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
