I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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