oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize