it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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