it hurts more in the daytime
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
