Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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