I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
