yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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