saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
