i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
