She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
