On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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