Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
