I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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