You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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