bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
