I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
