You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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