I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
