I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize